Holy Smokes! You think you know what labour will be, a general idea of how it is all going to go down. Well, it’s a dam good thing you don’t actually know what you are getting into beforehand, I don’t think anyone would have children, or at least not be terrified to go into labour. Okay let’s back up slightly, that is a little dramatic. For me it was not this beautiful zen process that some women have, it sucked. The end result is amazing and the body truly is an incredible organism. It literally does exactly what it needs to do, which in my experience was not exactly pretty or peaceful. Yet, it’s still pretty dam awesome it can do it, that you have no idea what to do your body goes into autopilot and it happens. Maybe that is putting it too simply but your body will do what it needs to and yes there are things you can do both mentally and physically to help it along.
My labour experience:
I was 38.5 weeks when I went into labour. On the Thursday night before Emma’s birth; I started having minor cramping before bed. This had happened twice already since 36 weeks but went away within a couple of hours. I woke up Friday morning around 5 am, and was feeling contractions in my hip joints at regular intervals of roughly 10minutes, lasting for approximately 30 seconds each time. I was starting to think okay yes I am in pre-labour whether or not this means baby is coming today or tomorrow was yet to be decided. I had read that pre-labour can last anywhere from a few hours to 48 hours with your first baby. I ended up cancelling my morning dog walk plans with a friend. I just had a feeling this was it, and if went out I would be wishing I was back at home. It was the least stressful option.
The contractions I was having were not at all what I was expecting. Everywhere I read contractions were stronger period cramps or low back pain. I was having contractions that seemed to initiate in my hip joints and radiated down my quad with some minor back pain. I was not really sure what was happening but because they were occurring at regular intervals and I was 38 weeks I figured they had to be contractions. At this point, I had not called my midwives either. I had not met the criteria to call yet. The criteria are: – contractions lasting 1min, 3mins apart for at least one hour, water breaking, pain no longer tolerable/distractable, or bleeding.
I had not planned on telling anyone I was going into labour, didn’t want to add stress; I wanted it to be my husband’s moment. I thought well the expectation to this is I’ll likely call my mom when we go to the hospital. Well, I was having these symptoms and was just totally not sure so I ended up calling my mom (who is also a NICU nurse) and asking her opinion. she said that the same thing happened to her with my brother and me. She had asked if my water broke and again I was not sure. I did not have a sudden splash that occurs in the movies and TV shows. There was absolutely nothing dramatic at all about my water breaking unless, in fact, the drama is the fact I did not know it really happen. It was more of a slow continuous water leak that now looking back likely started around 5 am when I woke up and went to the bathroom, where I believe my mucous plug also came out, but that is just a guess since I did not inspect or turn any lights on this point because well its 5 am. Anyways, at this point, I call my midwives and say hey I think my water broke and I am having contractions every 10 minutes. They come asses, say about 3 cm dilated and well yes you are in pre-labour but again it could be in the next few hours or it could be tomorrow. They wanted us to call back when my contractions were happening every 3 to 5 minutes and I no longer could no longer be distracted. I continued to watch Wheel of Time on Amazon Prime. *nerd alert.* I had read all the books when I was in Jr. High and no the show basically has nothing to do with books, minus a few names and places.
Around 5 pm the contractions were stronger and closer together; I was in the shower at the time. when I told my husband we better call the midwives back. The shower was surprisingly relaxing to some of the pain throughout the pre-labour experience. The only reason I even tried it was because it was one of the recommended pre-labour coping methods that actually seemed to be helpful, verse meditating and visualization. I could see how those could be helpful for some but really not my cup of tea, I could not wrap my head around birth being this meditative, zen beautiful experience. It was going to be rough but at the end of the day it was going to bring our sweet baby girl so I would deal with it, the way I deal with most things is just pure stubbornness. But back to the shower, I actually quite enjoy showers, to begin with so this seemed to be the best place to start and it was surprisingly smooth on my back and hip muscles at the time. The contractions were still not in my uterus area as period cramps occur. The midwives got to our house, did examine and said I was 6 cm and it was time to go to the hospital. I texted my friend to come over and look after our puppy and we got in the car and headed to Rocky View Hospital about 15 minutes from our house. The contractions were quite painful at this time, it was radiating pain in hip joints; I kept telling myself once we got there I could get pain medications, and everything would get better.
We arrived, we went through the main entrance, through the COVID screening questions and were directed to the labour and delivery unit. On the unit I was asked for my healthcare card at the desk: and my husband also tried to give them his; which everyone had a little laugh saying they didn’t need his and asked if this was his first child. Apparently, this happens more often than not by dads coming onto the unit. We meet our midwife on the unit and she brought us to the room we would give birth in. I was surprised at the size of the rooms so spacious compared to every other hospital room I have been in. It was lovely, to say the least.
I ended up getting in the shower to try to help relax with the contractions. My midwives were busy setting things up and I believe they went to inquire about getting an epidural cause they asked if I wanted anything for pain and I had said yes. Honestly, at this point, I wasn’t sure if I was vocalizing my thoughts or if they were really loud in my head. The pain in my hips was extreme, I have never felt anything like that. It was radiating and strong. My husband was with me, checking in on me, I believe talking with the midwives as well. They did bring the laughing gas to help with the pain. You have to take a few deep breaths of it prior to contraction to help. I did not find it was helping much just left a funny taste in my mouth. I remember being confused about why I wasn’t getting epidural or at least iv pain medications and I wonder if maybe I had not asked out loud for them
I headed back to bed after about 20 minutes; I could feel the exhaustion was already setting in. I knew that there was a chance I could end up with a c section and I honestly was pretty okay with it; I just wanted my baby to be healthy with no complications I didn’t care how it happened too much. This was when I know asked the midwives out loud why I could not have anything strong for pain medications. Unfortunately, all the anesthesiologists were in c sections and I could not get an epidural. A part of me was ‘yep I totally understand, not going to get upset with them over this, the other part of me was in complete outrage. It was not until quite a while after I asked why I could not even have IV pain medication. I knew anyone can put in an IV it doesn’t need to be a doctor as it does with epidurals. My midwife told me that type of pain I was having; all in my hips that IV medications wouldn’t touch, only an epidural would. Again super unfortunate not to mention madding and defeating.
By this time I was in full-on pushing stages of labour. Truly a wild experience, the pressure does feel like a bowel movement, all the immense pressure. I was informed after by my husband that yes I did have a few bowel movements while in this stage which honestly is still extremely embarrassing even though I know it’s completely natural and happens to most women. Just shocked I didn’t really even notice it was happening thank god cause I am so embarrassed by it. I am almost considered not including that minor detail but thought I should try to push embarrassment aside as this is about the whole experience of it all. The pushing pain itself was mostly foreign rather than scary, it was the part of the contraction-the peak where the pain radiated down my thighs from hips that were the worst. My midwives kept telling me to give in to the pain, relax into it and let my body do what it needed to do. Which in theory was great advice, and honestly still is but at the time it was really hard to do. A part of me was scared of truly having to push his baby out even though it was happening anyway. I am not entirely sure what I was scared of either; likely the pain and exhaustion. we tried a few different positions and in a later conversation with my husband, he informed me that I told him to shut up a few times in there as well. I do remember yelling that I need to get the baby out now, and F-bombs with every concentration. When were leaving the hospital I realized our room was right beside the central nursing desk and I was again absolutely mortified that I had been yelling F-bombs for 4 hours that they could most definitely hear. As everyone assured me they are likely used to it but my god still. Not exactly my favourite thing to have happened.
The baby head was trying to crown and it kept peaking out and then going back with each contraction. This was so frustrating because I didn’t feel like I was making progress and that was scary for me; knowing this could potentially lead to complications. On the plus they told me my little one had a lot of hair which was something I was worried about it beforehand; having a bald baby. No particular reason I just wanted my little one to come out with any hair. I could not resister this comment at the time out loud but internally I was pleased.
At this time the attitude of the midwives changed slightly I could tell they were worried that the baby had not fully crowned yet, the tone in their voice was more stern. They said I needed to get into a certain position to get the baby out and this was the last stretch. The baby was crowned shortly after: about 3-5 contractions later. The ring of fire is totally real and not a great time in any way yet, honestly, it was a relief to have that feeling knowing that it would be over soon. The midwife was able to place her fingers in my vagina to help stretch the area out as the baby’s head was coming through to prevent tearing. They did absolutely wonderful job with encouraging words and assertiveness. I felt as if I was in perfectly capable hands.
Once the baby crown we had the ring of fire and the final push to get the baby head out, there was that sweet sweet cry- the immediate thought oh thank god my baby is breathing. Complete relief and joy and some shock got me through the next two contractions to get our little one out. They announced it was a baby girl and placed her on my chest. She was still attached to the umbilical cord. My body went into instant intense shivering from the release of the adrenaline (I think) and sweat soaking my whole body from the experience. Jake cut the umbilical cord and finally, with another contraction, the placenta came out. Which was honestly very easy- it felt like a very large blood clot coming out.
The moments after birth were surreal I couldn’t believe we had this little nugget. I really did not think she looked like either of us at the time. She seemed so big to me; she was only 7lb 3 oz at birth so really not that big. We were able to leave 2 hours later; 0200 January 15th, 2022, because we were under the midwife’s care and I had no complications during delivery. I did not even tear which was mindblowing for me; re-phrase I did not have tears that needed repair, I had some microtears, papercuts basically and was of course quite swollen and sore in that whole area.
The next 6 weeks:
The whole time driving home, I kept thinking wow we have a baby, that little girl is ours, she was inside of me a few hours ago; we made her. It was a surreal experience and feeling, and a degree of shock as well. I still feel that way sometimes when I look at her. We were so tired we didn’t name her at the hospital. We both knew what we wanted to call her but I was nervous to make it so final when we were both so exhausted. We decided officially the next morning.
Our puppy was in bed in her kennel when we got home that night and she heard us come in. We had decided we would not do the whole meet the baby in the middle of the night. My husband went into the puppy’s room and hung out with her for a few minutes before putting her back to bed. We need the whole meet baby Emma in the morning. It went pretty well. She was very curious about her and all the things that smelled like babies. Rossi (our dog) still doesn’t know big she is so we just have to be watching her when she is around Emma. She is getting much better and is less jealous than initially. After the first week, she went through a phase of oh this baby is still here but I want both my owner’s attention, she is better now and is also protective of her when new people come over.
One of of the things I was worried about was being able to breastfeed. I fully believe in the benefits of breastfeeding especially in the first few months of life but I stand by that a fed baby is the best baby, and there is a lot of pressure to breastfeed; which can lead to unneeded stress, anxiety, lack of growth from Bebe. I had attempted to latch Emma at the hospital to feed her; it was not easy. I found it was hard for both of us, she had a strong suck but was choppy. She only latched for a minute maybe which lead me to be nervous she was not getting enough. Thankfully I knew she only needed a few millilitres (mls) of colostrum at a time. In the middle of the first night at home, being unsure if she had gotten anything or not I did offer some ready-to-go formula, (I had bought ahead of time for this very reason). She drank a few mls which eased the anxiety slightly. As comfortable as I am with babies; knowing tricks to help latch, feed and comfort your little one was still a nerve-racking experience having our own child home for the first few nights. It was a big learning curve in a lot of ways. It is different having them at home and not on monitors as I do at work.
Both of our parents came the next day; the Sunday to visit Emma. It was so great to have them. I remember feeling that I could not wait for mom to come and it had barely been 24hours. I was so excited for them to meet her and wanted the reassurance we were doing the right things. It is so different being your child you are looking after verse the sick babies I saw every day at work.
My nipples were already so incredibly sore from trying to feed Emma. I was tensing, and starting to dread feeding times. I was using the over counter nipple creams and they were not helping much. I had tried a few different positions as well talked to my mom over the phone. I worried she had a tongue tie because she was so choppy at the nipple (she did not) and her suck was so strong. I knew the strong suck was a good thing and Emma and I would eventually learn the better techniques to feed. I also believed her latch was shallow, however, I am not sure this is really the case after my midwife helped me out the Sunday it seemed it was more an issue of choppiness than her latch. I focused on making sure Emma was opening wide, nose to nipple getting the correct latch; sometimes it would take 5 tries to get right. This was stressful because the whole time Em is crying she is hungry, you are trying to stay calm but your nipples hurt, yet you just want to feed your baby, it’s what they need. Needless to say, it gets better. My midwife also gave me compound prescription nipple cream (it has ibuprofen in it) and this was a complete game-changer. I 100% recommended this to any mom starting to breastfeed it saved my life. It was a few weeks before Emma’s latch was perfected and for my nipples to heal. It felt like a long time however, looking back it was not long really. It feels more of a blur at this point. Although, breastfeeding is completely natural it is also a learned skill for both parties, something I find new mothers, myself included at times forget. It takes practice to find positions, and get the right latch even if there are no complications with feeds, such as a tongue-tie or not a great supply, oversupply etc. It is also helpful to know your resources for help, lactation consults, midwives and friends even beforehand. Also never feel bad if you choose to, or need to use formula.
The feeding situation of having a newborn, and figuring out what cry means can be stressful, yet it is all completely counterbalanced with those newborn cuddles. Newborn cuddles are the best, no contest. They are so little, they snuggle right into you, so content to be with you. My favourite part of the whole first month. I wanted to hold her the entire time, it was hard at times to let my parents, or even sometimes Jake hold her. I wanted to cherish every moment of her in this stage. Of course, I let everyone hold her and it was good because I was able to get some rest in there during those times. That feeling of always wanting to her hold is one I still get almost 4 months in. For the first 6 weeks, it was really hard to believe this was our new reality. I kept looking at her and thinking oh my goodness this little one is actually mine, forever, how did that happen, is this for real.
It was amazing having my parents stay with us for a few days after Emma was born. It was great emotional support, additionally, my parents were helpful in making sure we were fed, the puppy got walked and made food for us to eat after they left. Having food ready to go is pure gold in the post-partumn period. It was so incredibly special to have my mom around at this time. When they went to back Vancouver it was much harder to say goodbye knowing they were not down the street, and couldn’t come over whenever they wanted to visit. These were all things we dealt with before Emma It’s hard knowing that they do not live down the street and come over when they want, or you want them to. It was such a special time in our house and with our family.
It also worked out that my husband was switching jobs at the same time Emma was born. This allowed him to have three weeks off before he started his new job. The extra time at home was extremely valuable to get through the initial upheaval of our regular routine, as well as bonding time as a new family. I am so grateful that he was fully around for the first few weeks. Each morning I would feed Emma around 0600 and then he would take her downstairs to hang out/cuddle really bond with Em, while I slept undisturbed until she need her next feed two-three hours later. It was amazing for both of us. I could see my husband falling in love with our little girl already. The feeling of watching it happen is one I did not know I could feel and have a hard time describing. It is soft, tender, and joyful, a moment you know you will remember for the rest of your life even as you live it. It is one of those times where you feel almost removed from who you are at that exact moment, as if you already watching it, already remembering it as this tiny moment that means everything. Or simply put the kids (I think) activated a core memory.
One of the craziest experiences postpartum is when your milk comes in. Thankfully I was warned about the hormonal shifts rocking your body when your milk comes in around day 3 to 5, from another mom friend; thank god we have those also. The emotional rollercoaster was insane. I did not feel that out of control at any point during pregnancy or with any period I had in the past. They were some of the hardest few days; I felt everything from being super happy, completely sad, anxious, and stressed. I was all over the map. I was completely exhausted and I hated not being in control. I disliked it, the lack of control over my emotions even more because I understood the reason yet could still do nothing about it. I simply had to feel all the emotions. I was crying half the time, calling my mom lots, and snuggling my little one a lot. My husband thought I was crazy, even though I had also told him this crazy hormonal shift was happening. I do not think there was anything he could do other than what he was already doing. He was supportive and listen to my crazy feelings and helped me rationalize them. It was an intense crazy period, postpartum, the things they do not tell you but 100% should!
By the two-week mark, I felt as if feeding Emma had become easier and more routine. I was feeding every 2 1/2 – 3 hours. She was sleeping for the majority of the time between feeds. I had her sleeping on me most of the time; nap trapped you could also call it. I felt guilty that I was doing nothing other than feeding and cuddling our little girl. All the housework, walking the dog and cooking was left to my husband. I was going a bit crazy by the end of 3 weeks of healing and I had started to do more things.
I could not wait to start exercising again. I knew it was going to be the biggest thing for mental health improvement. The fact that I was not allowed to exercise because my body was still healing from the delivery was a lot easier to cope with, than struggling with running during pregnancy. It may have been because the end was in sight and I had the date of when I could get back to it, and build up the strength and endurance I had pre-pregnancy. It felt better to have this reason to not be working out rather than simply exhaustion or the fact I was uncomfortable as it was throughout Speaking with the midwives I knew I needed to wait till the 6-week mark to start running and doing core strength. It is important that everything heals and comes back to the right position before engaging them in strength exercises. This is also the time they clear to have sex if everything has healed well. I noticed the tiny superficial tears I had were taking a long time to heal, and midwives told me it was because they were small they were less of a priority to your body rather than dinner size wound in your uterus where the placenta had come away from.
The exhaustion really sets in after a few weeks. The reality of your new life, begins to way on you slightly. Your life has drastically changed and is beginning to sink in; beautiful but overwhelming. There are totally moments where you sitting with your baby looking at them thinking holy shit this tiny human is mine and totally dependent on me, how in the world did this happen and I am actually ready, capable of raising this child. Then you have the moments where you feel as if this is exactly where you are supposed to be and you can’t wait to watch and be a part of this little one’s life.
I also wanted to give my husband attention but it was hard between all the feeds, the puppy and exhaustion that was starting to set in. I know how important it is to continue to date your spouse and give them time after you have children to have a successful and happy marriage. This was something that weighs on me still and probably still will throughout her whole childhood. I knew before having Emma this would be something we would have to really dedicate ourselves to continue to do, so for Christmas this year, I set update nights for us once a month that we would have Emma with a babysitter and our puppy in daycare or with a friend also. It was important that we pre-plan nights/days for the two of us because as many of you know life will happen and it needs to be a very conscious choice and practice to maintain. I do believe that my spouse, my partner is as important as my little one, and potentially future children and he deserves the same attention and caring and time as them. We were a team first and continue to be a team.
In the week leading up to my husband going back to work, I kept trying to do everything around the house and look after Emma. I wanted to know that I could manage it all before he went back. It was practice for me. He kept telling me to relax, cuddle Emma, and sleep because in a week I was not going to have the option. It was a small back and forth we had. I have to say once he did go back to work I started to learn the meaning of truly having weekends. It is a lot of work trying to give attention to both Emma, and the puppy all the while keeping them both decently calm and quiet because my husband works from home.
I was leaving the house with Emma getting errands done such as groceries on a few occasions. I planned for one outing a day if I was to leave the house. It was good to get out of the house, it helped with a lot of emotions and overall exhaustion. I did notice that the early evening is when I tend to hit an emotional and physical wall. You have been constantly thinking about keeping another human alive all day, as well as getting your regular activities done. It made it hard to enjoy time with my husband in the evening, or give him the attention that I wanted to. It was what we expected in the initial weeks however it is something I still want to acknowledge as part of this first 6-week journey. We got better each week with how to spend little moments throughout the day with each other, giving each other a moment of affection or a minute to just be. We have also managed to go on two date nights so far; one each month. We continue to talk about how we are feeling and what we need on a daily or couple-day basis to make sure everything is good. We discussed that each of us getting in physical activity almost daily is something we need to prioritize even if it cuts into the time we could spend together. In the long run we both need that to be better parents and spouses.
I found and still find one of the most challenging aspects of having a baby is dealing with our puppy who is still not even a year old. She is a very high-energy dog, and large dog and always wants to be included in all things. She does not know how big she can get jealous of when Emma is getting all the attention. She just wants to be played with all the time. As I write this Emma is now close to 4 months, which is a true sign of how crazy the first few months are, I will say our puppy has gotten a lot better with Emma and competing for attention, being calm and gentle. I think Emma coming home totally rocked her world and being a puppy not even one-year-old yet it was hard for her. Her behaviour was understandable and manageable but something I was always conscious of, and still am. It kind of feels as if we have another child running around the house.
Our little one has completely changed our lives in many ways. We are not letting Emma limit the things we do, we just do them slightly differently now. We continue our daily activities and tasks, we generally bring Em with us, unless one of us is staying home with her. It does take a bit more planning and longer to do said activities such as going to the grocery store. We give each other little breaks to work out or go out. When I go meet friends I bring Emma with me because it’s mid-week, mid-day and they want to see her anyway. I am excited for the summer months when we take Emma on more adventures outside with us. The 1st 6 weeks were a wonderful time, full of firsts, newborn snuggles, and adjusting to a bigger family. It was a blur. It is a wonderful watercolored painting that I will hold tight to all colors, emotions and memories for the rest of my life.
