The Road Back to Running

By the time I was pregnant with Emma, I had been running marathons for over five years. My zen time, the time I can focus simply on the physical body and simply let my thoughts flow in and out is when I am running. The best part of the marathon distance, and I have said this before is the fact you need to put in the effort. You need to be consistent. The knowledge if you do not put in the miles you will not be able to finish keeps you heading out the door. Once I was pregnant I assumed that I would be able to keep running throughout the majority of the pregnancy. After I gave birth to Emma I signed up to do the Calgary Half Marathon at the end of May. I thought this would be a reasonable goal for my post-pregnancy running dreams.

Pre-pregnancy I was training to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Due to the pandemic, all the races were cancelled and my Boston qualifying dreams were on hold for the next couple of years; likely until I finished having kids. I knew that I could not put off other goals in my life in hopes races would return and I would have the opportunity to qualify for Boston. Throughout pregnancy, running was very challenging. During the first trimester, I was too exhausted to run much and by the time I hit the second feel-good trimester, I had too much pressure on my pelvic floor to run very long at all.

I truly thought I would be back to running in no time after giving birth; likely running a full marathon by summer or the very least this past fall. Having never given birth before and naively trying not to think too much about it. The recovery process existed in the magical six-week time period that allows you to return to normal activities. Normal for me is running marathons; this is not exactly how it went down. Of course, my cardio endurance was not where it once was. I was additionally experiencing cramping in my lower abdomen and pelvic floor region. Through consistent miles and effort, I knew my cardio endurance would come back, hopefully pretty quickly as well. I was not sure about the cramping but I figured it would just take time to heal more. I was still planning on running the half marathon at the end of May. This gave me around eight weeks to work up to the running distance. Normally I take 12 weeks to train for a race. This time I was not running a personal best, this run was about saying that I could finish, it was about completion. I only needed to prove to myself that I could still do it. I still felt that competitive urge to push myself and try to get a personal best even if that was not likely to happen.

I started by running short distances; five to six kilometres three to four times a week. My body had changed immensely while I was pregnant. When I was pregnant it did not really feel like it was my body. When I was able to run again after giving birth (I went for my first around 8 weeks post) it felt much like running in snow or sand. On the plus side, I no longer had to pee every 5 mins. It was a gift to be able to get through the entire run without having to go to the bathroom even once—a glimmer of hope that my body was getting back to its pre-pregnancy state.

While training for the half marathon running started to take on a new meaning. It was a path to recovery, it was a path back to sanity over the ever-changing hormones and emotions that rushed through my body as a new mother. Frustration seeped in when I was not able to run the same way I wanted to, and it was taking longer to get back to my pre-pregnancy state. I knew in the grand scheme of things I was doing really well to even be running and increasing both my cardio endurance and muscle strength again. It still did not feel like enough or more than it should be happening faster. I had other moms reminding me of how much healing my body needed to do after giving birth. There was definitely some denial on my part about how much pregnancy and giving birth impacts your body.

I ran the Calgary half marathon at the end of May. This year getting to the race and race morning was looking quite a bit different than it had in past years. We were up bright and early, Em in the car seat, my husband driving me to race start while I pump in the car. Emma would need to eat while I was running as well I needed to pump for comfort. It was a chaotic experience. The run itself went better than I expected. I started off at a slow pace, one I knew I could maintain throughout the whole run. The pace was my marathon pace and it was feeling really good. In theory, there was no way I would not be able not to keep that pace. Throughout, the race I felt strong, with only mild cramps in my lower abdomen, and pelvic floor. Legs and cardio were feeling strong. I was running close to a personal best if I could push myself. I was concerned that if I started pushing too early, before the halfway mark I would end up crashing. In all my training runs I worked on running the distance at a steady pace not speed work. The occasional time I attempt speedwork I would experience severe abdomen, and pelvic floor cramping during and after the workout. I wanted to push myself, to run a close-to-personal best. What is race without a little risk though? At the halfway mark, I started increasing my pace slowly and by the last third, a fairly strong steady pace. I finished the run decently, in under two hours. It was not my personal best but it was not a personal worse either. It was a victory in my mind.

In the runs post the race I was still experiencing cramping and some pain while running and during the recovery process. I knew I needed to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist shortly after giving birth, except life happened and I kept putting it off; thinking, hoping I would heal on my own. I could no longer deny that I needed to go, it would be the best thing for my running and overall health to do so. In the past few months that I have been going, I have seen small improvements. It was encouraging to find out that there was no damage to the tissue. The tissue was mostly tight and had a loss of strength. I plan to do another post all about physiotherapy shortly. I plan to give physiotherapy a full six months of dedication to see improvements and then base the post on my experience. There are many cases where improvements will not take this long as well for somewhere it does. Consistency in physiotherapy work is key much like it is running.

I spent most of the summer mad and discouraged that all my runs were slow and short miles. I wasn’t able to relax or connect with myself on runs at this point. I previously found running over 45 minutes or at 7/10 intensity or higher would bring me the most satisfaction mentally and physically for myself. Running quickly became a chore rather than a fun activity for me. I started to take time off only going for runs when I truly wanted to run. It relieved some of the pressure to perform at a certain level. Training to run personal bests right now is not what my body needs and as hard as this has been to accept I know my body needs to recover. My goal is simple, it is consistency. Consistency with running and consistency with my physiotherapy. Consistency is the basis for everything else to come and in the end, will produce better results than any other time of training.

The road to recovery is not a simple straight trajectory. It has taken a lot of patience and re-focusing. Running is a lifelong love. I will continue to work to be back to where I was, to be better than I was. Running is that, Running is love.